Mourning Can Be Tough....

I was headed to bed around 11:30 p.m. on Sunday, January 26, 2020. Every little sound seemed to distract me from falling asleep. I found myself tapping through apps like Instagram, Notes, YouTube, etc. because I couldn’t fall asleep. That night felt different and very heavy prior to receiving heavy news. I tossed and turned for about 4 hours straight. I kept feeling nudged and didn’t understand why. My younger sister called me. I found that strange because it was about 6 a.m. in the morning and she never calls this early. I instantly picked up the phone; all I could hear was sniffling as she tried to speak to me.

“What’s wrong Bria?! Are you okay? What’s going on???” I asked panicky while slowly climbing down my lofted bed. Before she spoke, I was afraid she was about to say something happened to our mommy.

“Hellooo, Uncle Richard is gone…” she replied slowly with such a broken heart.

My heart dropped. This couldn’t be for real. Not my uncle. Not the uncle who visits us yearly, couldn’t be. I was still expecting my next visit with him.

I was in such denial when I received the news initially and asked were they joking or did my other uncle relay that news to them while being drunk. Like how could this be?

January 27, 2020, my Uncle Richard was announced dead.

I ran out of my dorm, cried on my way to the bathroom and then sat in the lounge crying and praying. My heart sunk, my reality felt shaken and so small. But can I tell you something, in that crushing moment God showed his love and comfort. Better yet, his love was so evident, he prepared me for a time such as this. The day before his death, I was watching a sermon by Sarah Jakes called “Keep Going” or “Keep Digging” (it’s deleted now so I couldn’t include a link). I sent it to someone who was facing grief and struggled in their mourning process and didn’t realize I was going to end up needing it the next day. The day of his death I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

My mouth felt like I had a muzzle on it and I was chained down to the ground.

Even when I cannot speak, writing is my go to. I posted on Facebook “Today was a tough start... However, I see how God comforts my family and I prior to grieving today and throughout the day. I wanted to run, hide and cry in every class I stepped into, but I kept pushing. God sent me a new friend just to spark my inner joy again. It was intentional that my new friend was blind and was seeking my help. Even with a broken heart God used me to help him navigate his way today. And even with his inability to see, God used him to help me choose joy today. God will get us through this mourning time. I love you all ” God showed his love and comfort.

The following day there was a protest I attended at my university and I felt God’s presence and my uncle’s. I wrote on Facebook, “Sharing again, a snippet of the diary I withhold inside of me, to encourage you all...

It’s important to recognize how God speaks to you. For me, it’s loud and clear through signs and wonders.

Monday night I asked God in my prayer closet to give me a sign my Uncle is okay when he left alone, still wrapping my head around things while seeking understanding.

Next day, Ball State University had its first protest regarding the issue about the professor and the student. I attended that protest like I originally planned and felt God’s comfort there. My Uncle shared many stories about his activism being a Black Panther. It wasn’t a coincidence the protest was the following day of his death and my, “God give me a sign” prayer.

A couple noteworthy things to take away from this is:

- God cares about your requests. Don’t overlook his signs or get distracted by emotions you overlook his presence.

- Just because the experience didn’t happen to you personally doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of the strategic moves of making change for our world. It’s beyond us.”

God showed his love and comfort. And each day God's love intensified in the midst of my anxiety and a broken heart.

I cannot lie, the death of my uncle exposed the little faith I had when it came to death overall. I mean, it became so apparent. My uncle Richard’s wife passed the following week and I was shook once again. I literally would constantly think about who was going to leave my life next and had this daunting and anxiety feeling wavering over me. It started to get so bad I woke up to dreams of people dying and me calling and crying to see if they’re okay. You may be thinking how did you find strength then? I prayed without ceasing and expressed my concerns to God. Then, I turned to a powerful and trusted mentor of mine who helped pull me out of the pit.

My mentor referred me to Acts 13: 36-37, “For when David had served God’s purpose in his own generation, he fell asleep; he was buried with his fathers and his body decayed. But the one whom God raised from the dead did not see decay.”

“Let me ask you something. Did your uncle complete his mission on earth?” my mentor asked sternly.

“Yes…” I replied by listing his achievements.

“Then, that’s it! Your uncle is telling you, 'Don’t worry about me because I’m with my Heavenly Father. I’m okay so you should be okay. Don’t worry; I’m fine'” she said so comforting.

God gained the glory from what I saw was a tragedy initially. This experience revealed that we cannot get so caught up in worldly things. God has called us here on Earth for a specific purpose and mission to fulfill and once that is completed, he’s calling his children home to his Kingdom. God is calling us home. This doesn’t mean hold back tears and show no fear because it’s bound to happen at some point in life. But when it does refer to Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” God wants to comfort you in your distress; he feels our pain and he’s willing to capture his beloved sons and daughters up from a broken spirit.

Take a look at this picture and slowly read the following poem below.

“Every minute someone leaves this world behind. We are all in “the line” without knowing it. We never know how many people are before us.

We can not move to the back of the line.

We can not step out of the line.

We can not avoid the line.

So while we wait in line -

Make moments count.

Make priorities.

Make the time.

Make your gifts known.

Make a nobody feel like a somebody.

Make your voice heard.

Make the small things big.

Make someone smile.

Make the change.

Make love.

Make up.

Make peace.

Make sure to tell your people they are loved.

Make sure to have no regrets.

Make sure you are ready.”

- Unknown

We all have a mission to fulfill so what’s stopping you from doing so?