P E O P L E

Growing up in early elementary school (3rd grade), I had a close friend named Sandra and we would eat our PBJ sandwiches together, play on the monkey bars, and joke and laugh about each other art drawings in class. I loved hanging out with Sandra!

It was my last day attending this IPS school and I recall entering my last class of the day — art class. There sat Sandra in the first row while I sat behind her. I don’t remember if it was because of the teacher preference of assigned seats or if I chose to do so. I remember feeling this knotted ball in my stomach as I sat behind her. There was a tension between distress and love that boiled inside of me. I was afraid of losing my first real friend due to me moving and having to start all over again. I didn’t know how to articulate those emotions so I allowed my anger speak for me, out of fear, being our last moment together.

Sandra had turned around a few times to start a conversation with me and I gave her these short responses. Not even that, I remembered playing with her emotions saying I didn’t want to be her friend anymore, knowing that wasn’t true. Then, I saw her turn back around from me, with her head down silently crying. Although, there was a part of me who sympathized and wanted to hug her, the angry part of me wanted to ignore her cry, choose my anger, and forget about ever being friends.

But why?

It’s not until now, where I can look back at that little girl moment to see why and understand. That little girl inside of me was afraid of letting go of someone I love. It was easier to be angry about it and live from that place than a vulnerable place. I felt safety in that anger of mine and made it my home. This is actually something I still somewhat struggle with today yet, with the help of God and resources He placed in my life, I have the tools to validate that little girl yet not live from the place of my insecurities.

Connecting with people can be scary because you may not know the reason or if it’s seasonal, or a lifetime. Our being longs to be safe and seek after ways to do so by default. There is nothing wrong with desiring that, but it becomes dangerous when we become so on edge about protecting ourselves from people that we slowly isolate ourselves from people altogether.

I always wondered whether or not I created some sort of lifelong trauma for Sandra by my lack of vulnerability with her that could have connected us as people more than ever. But, I can’t go back and knowing this now, allows me to be more sensitive and considerate to people because we are sensitive beings who feel and internalize.

What I’ve learned from that moment and even being someone on the other side of the scenario, that even when I cannot trust people, I can trust God. I have hope that there is still a community awaiting for all of us who strives to show up for one another. Despite the letdown, I pray God instills courage to take a risk again, trusting He’ll do what He says (whether it’s here on earth or in Heaven) and provide for you. Let God provide for you, provide the community that will encourage you, love you where you are, build you up, help you heal, and so much more.

Let's take some time for reflection. I want us to get vulnerable. Don’t sit there being all structured as you write nor filter out what you want to say, but simply write exactly what comes to your first mind. And if you go looking up something before answering the questions, you are only cheating yourself out and robbing yourself from seeing the systems you placed in your mind and deconstructing broken and defective systems. Go grab a notebook and pen and take time to respond to the following questions below:

1. What is community?

2. How do you define community?

3. What connotations do you see attached to the word community?

4. What are your experiences with community growing up?

5. How do you envision community for yourself? Write down a vivid picture for yourself that gives someone a taste of what you desire.

According to Google, one definition of community is, "a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals."

Community is often devalued because of the trauma it has left some people. Maybe you had a friend who betrayed your trust or maybe you’re the person who had a group of friends who always tease and made fun of you, or you was the friend who betrayed someone else and don’t know how to be a friend. Despite what the reasoning is, there is hope in Jesus that He’s a God who starts the work inside of you and finishes it and will provide a community just for you.

Let’s just start off by saying, YOU NEED COMMUNITY. I dismiss the lie and myth saying you don’t need it because you do and the Bible makes references of community and the benefits of it.

Benefits:

1. Healing

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”James 5:16

2. Help w/ your burdens

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

3. Self-improvement

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 17:17

And so much more.

Okay Brittany, you listed all these benefits of community, but how do I cultivate my community starting today? Well, there isn’t a clearcut answer I can give you because everyone is different, but I will say, start small and start somewhere. That may look like striving to acknowledge a stranger everyday to making yourself approachable and smiling at people, to joining a club you like consistently to build your community. Community can be found anywhere, just like the Nike slogan, “Just Do it” and you’ll see it happen over time. Don’t quit prematurely because you don’t see the results you expect, but be patient and have faith it’ll come to pass.

Community is not just anything but it’s a place where grief is exposed, vulnerability can be welcomed, feelings are validated and concerns are addressed. I pray for the one seeking and longing for community to experience the goodness God has designed it to be. I pray that God heal and purify your perspective on how you see community to be how He first created it to be. Continue to place your hope in the Lord.

Take a listen to the song of the Day:

People by Jonathan Mcreynolds